My Grandpa

As I was entering the house from the mudroom I didn't notice my Dad's car was back int the grage. Instead I saw a suitcase full of food open on the counter, this indicated that Mom and Dad were home from Hawaii, they were suppose to be at the condo a whole other week. Unassuming I walk into the family room and say hi with a bewildered tone... "I thought..."

To which my Dad replied, "Grandpa died last night." All of the hospice training, all of the research and witnessing of various stages of the dying process does not prepare one to experience the acute feelings of sudden loss. My nerves were tingling with the news as I walked back into the kitchen struggling to comprehend what my Dad had just told me.

Just then my younger brother, Matt walked in and saw the same scene on the counter... a suitcase opened... looking at me aprehensively I just blurted out, "Grandpa died last night." Now alaramed he took the same path and asked my parents why they were here. My Dad exasparated told me I should have let him tell Matt, but it was as if I was trying to release the feelings of sudden shock out of my system.

My Grandpa died of a sudden heart attack on Thursday Nov. 6, 2008 and by the time my parents got the news it was too late to call us back in Washington. The following Wedsnesday was the day we buried Grandpa, there was a viewing and a graveside service for the family, while driving myself and Matt to the stake center time passed euphremally I wanted it to stop... in my heart I willed it to stop with all of the energy of my soul, but the wheels kept turning and as we got closer and closer the more I wanted to turn around... I was expereincing the same initial feelings as when I saw Bobbi for the first time after her stroke. I didn't want to face it, but knew I had to, even after all of the learning about death I still wanted more than anything to deny it, but as the hearsed pulled up I had a knot in my stomach as they pulled out his casket I ran to the bathroom, truly broken hearted.

I gained composure and went into the hall as they rolled the casket by the tears still were streaming down my face, it seemed just a short few days ago I had gently touched his arm and smiled and said, "good bye, see you soon!" and hugged my Grandpa good bye. I have now realized more than ever that relationships are most important in life, never treat them like a thing to be bought or sold... it is something that only can be received and given from the heart. That treasured moment in time will forever be mine.

Slowly the rest of the family came, we quickly set up some chairs, they wanted to remember Grandpa living... as I sat down to play some prelude music on the piano the tears came back as I saw him in his casket waiting for his smile as I was playing the last notes in an arrangement of God be with You Until we Meet Again, the funeral director started to close his casket and was done with the final note. After the service I walked by his casket one last time and gently touched it and in my heart said, "I'll see you later Grandpa."

Four generations of William: Bill, Billy, Will and "Liam"

My Dad's side of the family after the viewing.